When do I believe that I’m criticized by you and HDIFAT (How Do I Feel About That)?

When do I believe that I’m criticized by you and HDIFAT (How Do I Feel About That)?

On May 8th, 2013, posted in: Communication, Forgiveness & Healing by

Ed:
Lover Benjie,
YMEQ (Your Most Endearing Quality) is your love for and dogged determination to get back to Yosemite. I love your love for natural beauty. Honey, I do love our life of travel together. It is so awesome the way we love so many of the same things. Sweetheart, when I think of this question the first thing that comes to mind is when you dispute my competency. Anytime you mention even in a fun way that you want to get another financial planner, I feel a sense of deflation. A real sinking feeling in my gut. I can tell myself that you are only joking, but I have such a strong sense of being the provider and giving you security in your life, that I still feel that deflation like when you can’t get enough air or after someone hits you in the stomach. I would say that it is a 5 on a scale to 10. It is like a dark grey day. It definitely makes me want to be away from you. It is also easy to bury and get past, so I guess that is why I never shared this with you before. My sweetheart, ILYWMWHASAMABAS, Your Eddie

Betty:
Dearest my Eddie,
Your MEQ (Most Endearing Quality) today has been your giggling and light spirit even though we are delving into an area that, I believe, is my biggest sin against you. Thanks, that helps.

It’s funny that I always think that I am the criticizor extraordinaire so it’s amazing to even be thinking about looking at your criticizing. I guess it’s what I am noticing this morning as we got ready, your little looks of “why would you do it that way” or “that’s a dumb idea” or just simple flashes across your face of disgust. You don’t have to say anything, ‘cause I’m a woman and I pick up on your non-verbals like a master expert.

I feel that grip in my chest – a tightness. It almost brings tears to my eyes. I second guess myself, feel hurt, and want to curl up in a ball. Mostly I just want to run away. It’s like a little kid being yelled at by her father for something not even that serious, but you can just see the little crushed heart inside of her. Thanks for listening.
I (heart) you, Ben

Ed:

After hearing Betty’s letter I felt those stinging tears in my eyes. I know when I say things or react to her in ways that hurt her I wish at times I could just cut my tongue out. I felt my chest fill up with a sense of sorrow and compassion. I just wanted to hold Betty and make the pain go away. Criticism is such a downward spiral.

Betty:

When I heard what Eddie said, I felt this overflowing and overwhelming remorse. Why do I let cutting things come out of my mouth? Why is it so uncontrollable? It just makes me want to cut my tongue out of my head!!! I feel this sadness that radiates out all over me. I just want to hold him and comfort him and ask his forgiveness a thousand million times.

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