What is most important for you to know about me right now and HDIFAT?

What is most important for you to know about me right now and HDIFAT?

BETTY-

My sweetheart Eddie, Your Most Endearing Quality is helping us to carry through on our need to do this. Of course, I’m just racing with the excitement of the day and how easily I can get so distracted. Brother.

You need to know that I am a jumble – obvious, I know, but what is it deep down. I WANT to be capable about anything and everything, but right now what is deep down bothering me is my judging that I AM NOT capable. That was a backwards sentence which is typical of what is going on inside. Love that we have gathered others around us who are good in the places where I judge I am lacking. Now, to let go and let God and them. So hard for me – always has been and always will be. So that needs to be my personal first prayer. Let Go and Let God and Others. And yet I want us to be making choices together for those things. I don’t really want it to be you doing things independently of me. I want us to stay interdependent.

Getting this out of me and on paper feels so reassuring. I know my nature – bet God puts all these things of desire to do everything in me and then He makes it too much so I will get it that I have to choose AND do a good job of that so I can let go. Now to take the time to delegate. That is what our mind-dump must focus on. Saying this makes me feel still jumbled. It’s a tightness in my chest. A hotness in my pits. A shudder. Sweaty palms. It’s all of it-wanting to do it all and knowing that is impossible so move ON. What can I find to distract me from all of this decision-making!!! IDK! Hold me!!  Love, Ben 

 

ED-

Lover Benjie, YMEQ is your willingness to trust me to listen to you yesterday and your openness and vulnerability in sharing yourself with me.  You softened my heart and allowed me to feel open also. 

As I think about this question I realize how you keep sharing that you are in overwhelm and I logically say – Just do it, just get something done on our list.  But yesterday after your sharing I later, looked at our to do list for the day and realized that I had a sinking feeling of anxiety in the pit of my stomach.  So much to do. I started working on one thing and then in the middle of that I got switched to another and I don’t think I finished anything.  Then Dan came in and said he needed to go to get a signature on a paper and I volunteered to do that so he could keep working on what he was doing.  I RAN away.  It’s like I want to do anything but what I am supposed to do and I can justify it as important. 

Lover, it’s almost like a feeling of indigestion with clammy palms and pits.  It is like shallow breathing and having a fog in your forehead. Almost like somebody is sitting on my chest.  I find myself almost hoping for distractions to come my way.  Where is the cruise ship when you need it? 

Sweetheart ILYWMWHASAMAB,

Your  Eddie

 

 

BETTY-

After hearing Ed’s letter, I was blown away by how close our feelings were.  I was carrying the burden of thinking that there was something wrong with me, but just knowing that Ed felt that way too gave me such a relief.  It was like a new lease on life, even though all of the stuff is still out there. 

 

ED-

After hearing Betty’s letter, I felt totally empathetic.  It was an instance of intimacy and desire. I just wanted to get closer to her.  I felt a flood of relief come over me as I realized we were both being totally honest with ourselves and each other.  She loves the real me!  I don’t have to pretend to be strong and have it all together.  We can move forward as a fine well-oiled machine and tackle anything.

2 Responses to “What is most important for you to know about me right now and HDIFAT?”

Leave a Reply




*