Video Transcript:
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Well, hello everyone. We really want to put a wrap on our discussion about our lesson on feelings from our book, “Passionate Parent, Passionate Couple.” Once I understood how I constantly react to feelings, it provided relief and a new lease on life to realize that the resulting conflict that we have is normal. But modern science with brainwave technology has helped make this so much more understandable. Because I’m a man with my X Y chromosomes, at around 16 weeks gestation, I was treated with a sort of chemical bath that killed off up to 30 percent of the connectors between the two lobes of my brain. The good news is that this allows me to focus on one thing at a time and stick to it. On the other hand, as a woman with my XX chromosomes, I have all of my connectors in place, so I easily multitask but readily get distracted, even by a ding on my phone.
More amazing, though, is that when I am talking, brain scans show activity in the speech centers in the frontal cortex but also show that I am connecting with my emotion center in the amygdala. When I’m talking, there’s no such connection to the emotion center that truly explains why I say and do things as a pure reaction to feelings, which I don’t usually know exist. The key is that you must not roll feelings into it. It will result in behaviors. Sometimes they are good reactions because I can be empathetic and a good listener, but too often those behaviors are ones I wish I had avoided when reacting to hurt or anger. I have a tendency to not get in touch with feelings, ignore, or even suppress them, so I am almost a slave to the feelings hidden inside, and unless Betty points it out, I don’t even realize I’m being influenced.
The best scenario for both men and women is to get in touch with the feelings first, just to be aware of it, and then say, “Okay, that’s my feeling. So now what am I going to do about my behaviors and decisions?” It’s a complete way to move forward. I feel excited about having this chance to sort all of this out. A woman, if that’s done our feelings, she would be very upset because she doesn’t want to be seen as an emotional decider. She wants to have confidence in a man’s world. Maybe we’re saying there is a shift right now, and men are having to live in a woman’s world. Some have lost their influence in making decisions, plus there is also a chance that a woman might put men down, believing they are too rational and bulldoze over people insensitive to their feelings.
My excitement is, I learned to live with the differences between men and women is like winning a football game. I picture one of those huge rolling machines that smooth out asphalt. I love it. It’s so great to talk to you today, and we’ve been having very, very strong feelings this week in response to our outpouring of love and concern for our Maui friends and families. Sometimes it seems like praying, donating essentials, and money just isn’t enough. We will remain ready to help however we can and of course continue to storm heaven with our prayers. We love you and aloha.
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