Trust cannot be earned!
Trust is a gift and a decision; it can never be earned. Once I lie, cheat, steal or commit any crime, I am a liar, cheater or stealer in your heart. You will carry the cloud of doubt and suspicion no matter what I do. Even if I am remorseful and wish I had never done it, I will feel trapped because I know you can’t or won’t trust me because I don’t deserve it!
So what is the solution? Both parties have to know the above is true and together decide that they BOTH want to start over. It is true that you can never go back, but it is also true that you can have a new relationship starting this minute – one that meets all your hopes and dreams.
The ancient Hawaiians were brilliant in this regard when they created the city of refuge. If anyone who had committed a crime could make it back to the City of Refuge, they were forgiven and got a new lease on life as if they had never committed the crime. BUT, they had to risk their life and must have desired with all their hearts to be forgiven. They were ready to make changes to prove that they were a new person as well.
Think of confessing our sins to God. We confess our sins of commission and omission and promise never to sin or put ourselves in the near occasions of sin again! That sums up the types of actions we must take when we want to Trust and be Trusted again.
When you think about it, trust, fidelity, romance, honesty, integrity, and even love, ARE ALL CHOICES AND DECISIONS that we make or don’t make second by second or day by day in every relationship. If we choose correctly we experience, joy, fulfillment, and the peace that surpasses all understanding. When we choose wrongly, we may feel momentary pleasure, which is usually followed by guilt, shame and separation. Think about where the gift of trust can make someone’s life beautiful again.