Video Transcript:
Hello everyone, today we are here to discuss the topic of sacred sex. We understand that it can be difficult to talk about, but Ed and I strongly believe that marriage should be a passionate lifetime love affair. However, even we can feel uncomfortable discussing this topic, which is why we’re speaking with you about sex and sexuality. We want to share our experience and explain why it’s important to hear our message. If you don’t hear it from us, the only messages you may receive are from a society that uses sex to sell, promotes the hookup culture, and doesn’t see sex as sacred.
Before we share our experiences with sacred sex, we think it’s important to share some attitudes that have at times prevented our lovemaking from being sacred. For me, I grew up with the attitude that sex is solely for recreation, and my upbringing emphasized that fun only happens after work or chores are completed. Since I view sex as something fun and not as important as serious obligations such as work, family responsibilities, or household chores, I tend to push it away and laugh it off if my partner wants to be intimate while there’s still work to do. I know I don’t do this intentionally, but this attitude has hindered our intimacy and spontaneity. We end up being too tired, or it’s too late to be intimate.
Another attitude I need to overcome is that sex is merely an activity, just another thing we do. The easiest way for me to tell when sex has become an activity is by using the love vs. lust test. Love is other-centered, while lust is self-centered. When I’m seeking to get my needs met, I find that the technique and results, such as whether it was good for me, become more important. I also find that my body is operating on autopilot, making sex seem routine. Betty can sometimes feel like I’m only using her for my physical satisfaction, and she has shared how she feels used and empty at times. Additionally, another attitude I fall into is seeing sex as a reward for being loving and attentive all day, which imposes an unrealistic expectation and doesn’t represent unconditional love. With this attitude, we might not think we deserve to make love, and one day follows the next. We can end up living more like brother and sister than husband and wife.
One attitude that has persisted throughout our early years of marriage is seeing sex negatively. I never associated God with sex, and the idea of God being involved in our lovemaking was like trying to make love in our parents’ home. When sex is separate from God, it is a sure sign that negativity has crept back in.
If these attitudes prevent sacred sex, what makes sex sacred? You might be surprised to learn that the simple answer is communication. But we’re not referring to just any communication; we’re talking about sexual communication. We call it an atmosphere of sexual delight. That’s what makes my relationship with Betty different from any other relationship I have. I can be sweet, loving, caring, respectful, and attentive to anyone, but only with Betty do I have an atmosphere of sexual delight. This includes touches, words, winks, and knowing gestures that we reserve only for each other. We talk about our lovemaking and tell each other what we want our body to communicate. Sometimes it’s being thankful for something that happened recently, affirming each other’s attractive qualities, or asking for forgiveness and wanting to heal a brokenness. We can pray for each other and our desires, but the key to this communication is for my mind and heart to connect with what my body is saying.
We believe that God created our way of loving, and since God is love, our lovemaking is spiritual and holy. We pray that you may know the exquisite Joy of Sacred Sex.
Bye for now. God Bless you.
Aloha