Lesson 4 from our book, Passionate Parent Passionate Couple, is titled Feelings and Humor. Feelings can sometimes be elusive for us, and we may avoid being aware of them. What we believe is that humorous feelings like giddy, happy, and joyful are easy to get in touch with as they make us smile and laugh.
Betty –
Sometimes I see Ed as a jokester, and I love that about him. It is one of the qualities that first attracted me, and his sense of humor kept me laughing. It was one of the major reasons I fell in love with him “in the beginning”. I just wonder if Adam made Eve laugh. Me Too, I love to be witty and jolly myself. It’s one of the qualities I like about me. We both are very fond of keeping each other laughing.
We’re okay having feelings when we are happy, and we recognize those feelings easily and they are okay to have. Happiness in your body might be giddiness and you might even laugh out loud. You can be joyful and even silly with a happy feeling. What is going on inside of your body is key.
The ones we have trouble with are when we get angry or frustrated and we don’t like to have that kind of feeling. In fact, there are a lot of times when we think that they are wrong or bad. And you might even think that they are a sin. The truth is that the feelings are really okay! They are not the problem. Negative things can happen with what you do after you have the feeling. What you actually do might be wrong or be a sin.
Ed-
Most people don’t know they are reacting to a feeling, but when it comes to comedy or humor, we know how wonderful we feel when we have a good belly laugh. Humor makes us lighthearted and happy. Our behavior of laughing and having fun is obvious so most of us realize there is a feeling connected with humor, and it’s easy for everyone around you to enjoy it too! On the other hand, when feelings are unpleasant, we try to avoid them, suppress them or shut them down. Some even think those feelings are a sin or bad, but all feelings are simply inner reactions to persons, places and situations, and they have no morality. It is only what you do with the feeling that has morality. That’s why it is so important to notice our behaviors to certain feelings.
For instance, when it comes to feelings like anger, loneliness, frustration, emptiness, abandonment, we may choose to hide away, fight back or get revenge. Those are behavior choices based on the feeling. The surest way we know to break out of this behavior is to speak out the feeling with someone you can trust. Some even speak it through prayer, and once acknowledged and spoken out, it not only starts to dissipate but it allows us the opportunity to decide on the behaviors we choose instead of reacting without thinking.
Because I was raised to not show feelings, it took me a lot of practice to get to the point where I could even notice when I was reacting to feelings, but I have gained so much more peace and harmony in my life by doing the work. I promise you it is worth it!